I recently decided to become and stay single. Or well … recently is not really the right word. Let me start with a bit of background information from around 5 years ago and up until now. When I was younger, I was quite the whiny teenager. I was absolutely convinced that I needed a boyfriend to be okay or complete or whatever else weird stuff I was thinking at the time. However, I didn't really like myself so I also had a hard time imagining that somebody else would.
Nonetheless, I got a really sweet boyfriend and we lasted about a year and a half before I broke things off. Not long passed before I had a new boyfriend. And by "not long" I mean "less than 14 days". It was a bad move on my part. For one thing I wasn't entirely ready for a new relationship. Another problem was that while I thought I was in love, I really wasn't. I was flattered that he liked me and enjoyed the company and attention. But I wasn't in love. We lasted about 4 months before I broke up. Again I moved on to a new boyfriend within 14 days. This time it lasted around half a year.
By now I was starting to rethink the whole needing a boyfriend thing. I had started liking myself a bit more and figured that it probably would be a good idea to take some time where I stayed single so I could work a bit on myself. But I fell in love. Again. Yeah, you guessed it. Within 14 days I had a new boyfriend. I thought to myself "Well, while it would be ideal to be single, I can work on myself within a relationship as well."
After 6-7 months we decided to move in together in his apartment. I was very much in love with him and we were already almost living together in practice. Just without all my stuff being there. In hindsight it wasn't the best decision I've ever made. While I don't regret anything, we had a great time, I think I moved in with him way too early.
The relationship lasted a bit longer than 2 and a half year before I decided to move on and out. I did get to work on myself during the relationship with great support from my boyfriend and at this point I really did like myself. Further I had started believing in my life as something I had control over, not something that just happened to me. I still very strongly believe in personal responsibility and owning your actions. While you can't control the world around you and what happens to you, you can definitely control your own actions and reactions.
By now I was very certain that I should be single at least for a while. This time it worked better. After 14 days I was still single. My brain tried to tell me I was in love again. However, this time I knew that I get easily infatuated and it doesn't mean a damn thing. Except maybe that I'm easy to impress. :) It was as if my brain needed somebody to crush on. Knowing better, I ignored it and as time passed, so did the need.
After about 2 months of fun with that and with just being me I started casually hooking up with this guy. From the beginning I made it clear that I didn't want to be in a relationship and I didn't want any commitments. Honesty is something that is very important to me. I'm quite verbose about what's going on in my head and I appreciate the same from others since reading thoughts isn't my specialty. He was okay with that and we kept it casual. However, as time progressed we started acting more and more like a couple. I figured that since we already were one in practice we might as well also be one technically. So he became my boyfriend. Even though I was a bit sceptical, I figured that it might not be that bad.
It took me a month to realize that it was. Or well, it wasn't all that bad. It just wasn't what I wanted. So I broke it off and was very happy to find myself single again. Wise from experience I thought that the "I'll try my best to stay single" principle probably wasn't the best solution for me. At some point I would "fall trough" even though it wasn't my intention. Or at least so says the past. So instead I decided to just set a date until which I should remain single. This was back in mid-December and somewhat arbitrarily my choice fell on June 22 2008. So this is my current plan.
I told a friend and she looked at me hesitating a bit then said, "I … don't really think you are able to do that. [pause] I'm willing to make a bet on it." Fully trusting myself I gladly accepted. I also arranged bets with another friend and both my siblings. Looking back at my history I get why people don't think I can do this. I've gotten the reaction "I'll believe it when I see it" a lot. However, I'm a wiser person now and I look forward to cashing in!
2 comments:
hi Lea,
first of all I really loved that you are writing so frankly because most of people are not so willingly to share their thoughts with others about these issues. Actually, I ve read this thread weeks ago but just had time to write a comment. Relations are the most important thing and should be taken seriously by everyone.it seems that "14" is kind of a turning point in your life :)
I really wonder why people are impatient about their relations. I dont think It is just about living fast dying young phenomenon. Since high school I remember that many of my friends having many relations in a short time and these really made me stay away from these kind of relations.
As you mentioned I think it is mosly about people need support from others when they feel they are not satisfied.
Of course, it is non-sense to decide a period that you will stay "single". I believe that in every part of our life there is a desired man or woman for ourselves. It is totally valid for me. Even in the primary school I remember that I fell in love with twins in our class :)
I mean even now you have someone on your mind you are matching him with you and it would be harm to suppress your feelings.
You attract people's attention even when you are just sitting at the corner of the room. You are cute, talkative, always giving positive enegry with your impressive smile and of course you are what a " I am bringing sexy back" lol. By telling these I want to mention that you are the woman that always have eyes on you in a group so you always have the priority( I dunno if it is the right word) to choose your partner. So you just need to think deeply before getting into a serious relationship but it is really insensitive to block yourself from a relationship because it is against human instinct.
Anyway, I am sure you will have the best decision for yourself. "I can only show you the door, you are the one that has to walk through it". I think you love Samuel Jackson :)
Take care, I will be stalking :)
Hi Apache!
Nice to hear from you. Your comment is long enough to be a post in its own right! ;) First off thank you for all the compliments. :)
I think we have a fundamentally different view on relationships. I don't believe the point of life is to be in a relationship with anyone. I'm very happy being single and just enjoying myself. The thought of growing old alone and what not doesn't scare me. Well, sure, completely alone might be scary and lonely. But I have friends and family.
I think romantic love is a lot more hyped than it deserves. I don't believe in soul mates and "the one" and I think the notion destroys relationships. After all the idea of the one lets you shift the entire blame for a failed relationship away from yourself with a simple, "Well, he/she just wasn't the one then." Relationships take work and in my opinion we can be compatible with a lot of people. Not just a single person.
Well, this is getting long already. It was nice hearing from you! Keep stalking! ;)
Post a Comment