8 Lessons Learned from Alcohol and Experience

1. I've got good friends.
I've done many stupid things with alcohol involved but my friends have always had my back. It's nice to know you've got friends that will get you home when you're passed out and not friends that will shave your head or something like that.

2. Contrary to my father's wisdom it's seldom the last glass of alcohol that ruins everything.
Rather it's that last bottle of wine, the last 5 shots, or the last 5 beers.

3. Crushing on a bartender has a negative effect on your economy.
But hey, I got a kiss out of it! And my most expensive night out only involving drinks. And the kiss was all that happened. Not that I'm bitter. Anymore.

4. Picking up the first guy you run into after the bar is closed because you're bitter you couldn't pick up said bartender is not a good idea.
Guys desperate enough to use lines like, "You wont have to do anything! You can just lie there, I'll do all the work!" are only useful for laughing at with your friends.

5. Talking about your love for children will effectively clit block yourself.
Apparently looking at your phone, seeing the background picture of your nephew and saying, "Look, this is my nephew. He's super cute! I find children adorable!" isn't the way to go when you want to pick up a guy. And it's not even like I'm sure I want any children of my own.

6. Chatting up the alcoholic dude always sitting alone at your regular bar is a bad idea.
Really. Don't do it! I was afraid of going to my regular bar for the next 6 months!

7. You're not allowed to run out of a bar.
The bouncer thinks it makes people scared because they think something bad happened. I still say that running outside to see who can get their clothes off first is better than taking off you clothes in the middle of the bar. Doing the latter would probably have gotten us kicked out. The first didn't.

8. There's no such thing as too drunk for foosball as long as you've got a good partner!
A friend told me that when he showed up at the bar, I was literally drooling over the foosball table. Somehow we managed to win a match anyway. No thanks to me!