Growing up

One of my favorite quotes is, "You don't stop playing because you get old. You get old because you stop playing." Anybody knowing me just a little can testify that when it comes to fun, I'm such a big child. I often joke that I'll never grow up. While this is hopefully true for the fun part, there is also all the other stuff.

Last September I moved into my very own apartment. Very own in the sense that I own it. Having the bank loan me an amount that ridiculous was quite a weird feeling. They were lending me more than 20 times the largest amount I've ever had in an account. Seeing my name on the deed was even more weird. I kept having this feeling that at some point they would discover that I wasn't really an adult and tell me, "Well, that was fun. Now stop pretending to be an adult!" Naturally they haven't done that yet.

If everything goes well, I'll finish my thesis this year. This means I have to go and get a job out in the real world. That invokes sort of the same feeling, that I'm pretending to be an adult. Even though I turned 23 last week*, I don't really feel like an adult. At least not that kind of an adult. Though I can feel myself slowly adjusting to the thought. However, I still don't feel like an adult in the same way that my parents are adults. Or just the way my sister who's married and has a child is.

Even so I know I'm growing up. I'll see myself making responsible decisions and in general just acting more emotionally mature. I like it. It's nice to avoid drama. It feels good to remove myself from situations I don't want to be in. I like feeling in control of my own life.

But mostly the process reminds of when I first started at the university. After the first half or whole year, sure, I felt that I had learned a lot. But I didn't realize exactly how much until I talked to somebody from "the outside". I would take thing for granted that other people had never heard about and use technical terms as part of my everyday language. I didn't notice that in my everyday life because everybody else around did the same thing.

Growing up is kind of the same to me. I'll notice but since everybody around me is acting more adult and responsible as well, I wont see just how much until I meet people who aren't grown up even though their birth certificate says they should be. And yeah. Then I feel all proud of myself and stuff.


*My birthday was Thursday. The weather was nice and sunny Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, yesterday, and today. Thursday it was rainy and somewhat cold. Go figure!