zebrahest On The Road and At Her Mac: August 2008

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Friday, August 22, 2008

Making Me Bitter

I'm usually quite easy-going, happy, and relaxed. I seldom get really mad, pissed off, or even just annoyed. Actually so seldom that I think it's kinda of a character flaw. I just don't like conflicts.

However, one thing annoys the hell out of me! Guys I've been with that turn bitter. It has happened to me more than once. Which of course could indicate that I'm an awful person that just makes people go all bitter and sour. But I really don't think that's the case. Sure, I've done some stupid stuff and I'm not always nice. Sure, people have had legitimate reasons to be mad at me. But I've never been even near bad enough to warrant someone, drunk enough to barely be able to sit on his bar stool, spewing out, "I hope she dies!" in front of my friends. Of course there's always the possibility he wasn't talking about me.

I loose respect for bitter guys. One thing is not wanting to have any contact whenever whatever kind of relationship we had is over. While I often don't understand that point of view, it's certainly fair to feel like that and as long as everyone acts civil around each other, I don't see any problems. Another thing is losing the ability to act civil around me i.e., refusing to say hi, walking right past me as if I'm not there, ignoring a smile, et cetera.

It annoys me for several reasons. First, seriously? That shit is stuff a 12 year old would find childish! Second, if a person has meant a lot to me, it's not like I stop caring just because I don't want to be with them anymore. I still read their blogs or whatever and like to know how they're doing even though I don't even talk with them on a friendly level.

The third is a bit more fishy. I think it's bad to talk evil about your ex partners. And while this stuff has annoyed me a lot and I think it's legitimate of me to feel that way, I still don't like to talk too much about it to other. Mostly in a "Well, I don't want to talk bad about an ex but that shit is really annoying me! I mean, come on!" way. Which means that I'm now probably 3 times as bitter as I would have been had I just gotten it out earlier. So now I'm posting this on my blog instead which, really, is much worse than trash talking an ex even though I haven't listed any specific person(s).

Can't really blame others for that last one, though. But I still resent some for making it difficult for me to just act natural and civilised around them. So there. Now I got it out and can go back to being a bigger person and avoiding all the drama.